All My People

Chat rooms are a strange phenomenon. There is something very scary about the ego let loose, without the contstraints of the physical self. You see the worst of people - and the worst of yourself!
I spent more evenings in chat rooms as a late-twenty-something than I ever did in actual bars and clubs. It's a wonder I can even use my voicebox, as most of my conversations were virtual. But, it has to be said, I had some great times in the chat rooms, made some great friends, learnt a lot, and generally whiled the hours away. OK, it isn't the most productive of pursuits, but it is no worse than watching telly; at least you are interacting in some way, and - this is a real stretch! - even being productive in the sense that you are cultivating new contacts, perhaps even interests.
One of the things that would always crop up in the chat rooms I frequented (which were themed, based on a common interest which I need not disclose here) was the accusation of "Cliqueness". I am certain this exists in all chat rooms. There will be a few regulars, who all get to know each-other, become familiar with each-other. This is a good thing. And as time goes along, new "faces" come along, some join the "clique", some do not.. some get very frustrated at not being able to penetrate into the clique, and this usually manifests itself as the throwing up of nasty comments - anything to be acknowledged! Even insults are better than being ignored..
I am in an interesting position here. I was once part of "The Clique". I was involved in a scene where I was quite well known, a "face", everybody knew me, lots knew of me. If not famous, I was at least infamous. But the same could be said of everyone in "The Clique". But I have been told that I was different. Unlike the other members, I would go out of my way to try and make the people on the outside of the clique feel welcome, feel as though they were a part of the proceedings, rather than merely bystanders. This wasn't a conscious decision on my part, I didn't even realise I was doing this at the time. It was only after I left that "Scene" and bumped into a few of the people on the periphery of it, who told me that I was one of the only people that ever spoke to them, and made them feel welcome in the chat rooms we would frequent.
Not to be big headed, but I think I am more proud of this than of anything else I have "achieved". (are there too many quotation marks in this blog?! I only use them because, as it is about a virtual world, to talk about certain things as being too real seems somehow silly, thus quotation marks, for me, suggest I am not taking them entirely seriously..)
And it got me thinking about the real world, about my childhood, about being an outsider. Because rejection sucks, whether it is a friendship, a job, a relationship, if you are rejected, I don't care who you are, it hurts. I can remember always feeling like the outsider growing up, at school, at work, even in the family home. Why was it that I didn't feel as though I belonged anywhere?! Why was it that everyone else seemed to be perfectly happy and content with who, what, and where they were?! "On the outside looking in" is the perfect way to describe how I felt. And then all of a sudden, when I entered that "scene", and became well known, I was on the inside. I belonged. I was a part of "The Clique". It was everything I ever wanted... and.. I hated it! Because I didn't identify with being "One of the beautiful ones.." one of the successful ones.. they were all arrogant, and self-centered, and egotistical.. I was one of them?! Never! It's not who I am, nor really, who I want to be. I have come to realise that I am on the outside, looking in.. and this is exactly where I want to stay. I never want to be on the inside. Because looking in from the outside, I can see how selfish they all are, how self-important they are, and basically how rude they are.
What am I on about?! What has caused this outpouring? I recently returned to the scene that once harboured me for many years. I no longer consider myself a part of it, but will always have an interest in it, it was such an important part of my life for so many years, and really made me who I am today.
But I am no longer a part of that clique. I am no longer well known, or at least infamous, as I once was. Younger, prettier people have come up, and it is great, as it should be.
With this in mind, I went back to one of the chat rooms I used to frequent, using a new profile name, rather than the one by which I used to be well known. An easily identifiable Clique was in full swing.
"Hello everyone" I typed. No response. The conversation carried on amongst the same people, as though I hadn't even existed. I smiled to myself, and waited.
A short time later, another new arrival.
"Hello" they typed. No response. Not one of the other people in the room said a word. The Clique were too busy with themselves, and the others I imagine, were too shy to start off proceedings. I guess they had already tried to be heard and, being ignored once, didn't want to be so again.
So I said Hi to them, and we started our own conversation. And every single person who came into the chat room, said hello, and the clique ignored, I would ALWAYS make a point of saying "Hello" to, and do my best to engage in conversation. Soon, all us outsiders were having our own conversation, interacting with each-other, whilst the Clique spoke amongst themselves, about themselves. It's the greatest thing in the world, to meet new people, to find out about them, particularly if they, like me, feel like outsiders, losers, rejects. It's what we all have in common! It's just, we realise it, and revel in it.
So, there were two groups having two huge conversations; there was the clique, and there was MY people - the anti-clique! Not elitist, not exclusionary, anyone can join, in fact anyone not in The Clique are, by default, in my anti-clique. And you are all welcome, because you are do not think you are cool. And this is why I think you are cool. And welcome to chat with me anyday.